I was always a sick child from the very beginning,though my parents didn’t miss any vaccines,lol.My immune system was pretty weak.Plus,all those crying,homesickness,fear,noone to talk to caused me more and more stress.I was diagnosed with Migraine headaches.Yeah,migraine may sound quite normal,but here in our country only 1 in 100 has it unlike America.No one really knows here how to deal with migraine patients.I had developed migraine with Aura,it was very severe..I used to lay down in my bed,with totally black room for days.I was in my school Basketball team,but migraine fucked it all.I couldn’t play any sports because of it..Just at the peak moment of my performance,it would start blurring my eyes.Did multiple CT scans,X-Rays and MRI and the reports were fine.I am still on my migraine medication(been 9 years) and it stills hurts the same.
By this time i was living with my cousins.i joined engineering and i really loved it.I had a rooftop room in which noone would ever come,a perfect loving girlfriend,a royal enfield to go to college,and very supportive guardians.Life was pretty awesome though my grades were pretty fucked up.I always had problems with the education system of our country,i was paneled in my first semester.Engineers know panel as failed in all subjects.I had stopped studying.And i again blame migraine for this,why? cause,since my childhood,during every exams,migraine would turn up like an ass.The fear of not securing well would always cause migraine.I always had to give my exams either late from others on a separate day or on a separate room because of it.Gradually,i had began to not give a damn about my scores which ultimately lead to not studying.I had become a complete mess. The result of second semester came which was still the same..
Somewhere in google,i had read marijuana helps curing migraine.After i read it,my fucking experimental mind had risen from the grave.Lucky me,there was loads of marijuana near my house.I collected some marijuana,without any fear put it on the sunlight outside my room..Later on i tried it on my room.Let me put some insight of my room.My room was the only room on the top floor.There was a small worshipping room(mandir)where my aunt would come twice a day.Unintentially,my room was a noise proof room which was a plus point for me.
THE FIRST EXPERIENCE
I tried weed after coming back from my college(2 PM),all curtains closed,perfume ready in case someone shows up,dustbin ready to hide all the dust..I smoked 1 complete cigarette full of weed.For sometime,nothing happened,smoked one more..Suddenly i coulnt move,time was moving in slow motion and i was enjoying it..I could literally hear everything,even a slighest sound.Loads of ideas and thoughts came inside my mind and i was like “wow,so this is why people smoke weed”.I danced for continuous 15 minutes,sang all my heart out,laughed like there was no tomorrow,ate all the dry foods in my room..All of sudden i started acting like a maniac,closed my eyes,saw YAMRAJ(the god of death) with horse in his chariot.I was like ‘fuck,i am gonna die today’..cried vigroulsy,cried alot..After sometime,told to myself,”mare baal ho,sabai churot falisake,kasari mare koilai tha hudaina,ekdin marnai cha”((one day,everyone has to die,why worry))
It was 4PM,got a call from my aunt,went downstairs,ate snacks and then slept again.It was 8 PM,the high had already been gone.I was like what the fuck just happened? Was it even real? The next day,all i did was just think about yesterday,i was in total confusion.
Days were passing by,a friend of mine offered weed to me,and obviously brought it home.After my dinner,prepared the weed.I never mixed weed with anything.it was just pure marijuana..When it hit me,i was so fucking happy ,confused,tired,restless all at same time.But this time,i had something covered up,i put my mobile on tripod and recorded everything i did while high.After i was sober again,watched the video and i was so embarrased.Coulnt even resist the video for 2 mins straight.Something was wrong,so i sent the video to my girlfriend.She cried alot and made me to promise to never smoke weed again..I am a man of promise,i never break one,she knew it so she was fine after the promise.
Tried weed for curing my migraine,but it had gradually become an addiction..Not completely and addiction,but more like an unresistable demand..I could go days without having it,but again,if someone offered it to me,i would smoke it to death..None of my friends could smoke the way i could.Smokimg weed had changed my freind circle as well.I was now friends with chain smokers,drug addicts.We used to bunk classes just to go to someone’s house and get high.i used to go to class being high and with red eyes. Smkoing weed during class,smoking after i reach home,life was pretty good back then.Sometimes,my aunt would come outside my room,i would send her away saying i had migraine,and she knew that I never liked being disturbed while on migraine.I used to light incense sticks which would remove the smell.
Now,i had started to get high from homemade bong and left using cigarettes.I had no skills in making bong so there were times i used to just put weed on one end of a ball pen,light it, and inhale from another end.Remember what i just said three.lines above,it has link in the future.
I used to lie to my girlfriend that i dont smoke weed anymore and she had trusted me.But deep inside i knew something was wrong,so i even tried to break up with her,which didnt work.She used to blackmail me asking me to stop smoking weed or she would send the video to my maa and paa.Time were passing by,i used to smoke almost 4-8 sticks per day.Without weed,i had developed a habit of not sleeping.I would exercise,hold my breath,write a song whole night while on high.
THE SICK PHASE
I went to a fare,while returning i got extreme pain in my chest area.We humans are born doctor,so i thought it was gastritis pain..I started becoming more and more sick.I had lost my appetite,lost my weight,loss of sleep..My maa feared alot so she sent paa for my further checkup.We went to the best gastritis doctor and took medicines for almost 2 weeks..Now,i had developed constant cough with high fever upto 103 C and restless night.I used to sweat alot whole night.I even went to the physician,took medicines,did blood check,did X-ray but the report was normal but still the fever,sweating and cough hadn’t gone away..My mother thought i might have gone into depression due to sleepless night so she hired a counseller,set a meeting and i went there..It was my finals of third semester,i went to give my exams,within one hour i was unable to write my exam and i had left the room and went home..My mother couldn’t take it anymore so she called me off to my hometown on the same day.Did the checking,doctor told i had water inside my lungs.I did the ultrasound,the doctor said that it was pleural effusion with almost 1850ml inside my chest.It was the day of my birthday,i had to put syringes inside my chest for almost 1 hour and withdraw 1ltr of pus.The pus had created a web like structure which was difficult to remove.I was hospitalized for a week there but yet no improvements.My doctor was confused whether it was pneumonia or tuberculosis so he referred me to a chest specialist in a bigger hospital.I went there with my family,doctor suggested to put a pipe inside my chest to take the water out.I was so afraid and confused so i refused to do operation that day.Returning home,i again got migraine,the next day i again went to hospital and implanted the tube.I was hospitalized there for 10 days..Did blood test,sputum test,mantoux test and other tests but all of the tests were against tuberculosis. Doctor suggested me to take the medicines of tuberculosis but without being sure,my family didn’t let me have it.They were lot more worried than i was,so i was sent to India for further checkup..The reports of India came in favor of tuberculosis,and i started its medicine.The direct inhale from pen cover(fumes from plastic) and all those incense sticks smokes in an isolated room had caused tuberculosis in me.The doctor told that i was very late for the checkup and i had already reached third stage of tuberculosis,did the medications and got admitted there as well.The doctor suggested me to do a follow up every 2 months since then,i have gone 5 time for follow up till now..Its been one hell of journey..
The sufferings were painful on its place but knowing that i smoked weed,my maa and paa were devastated.I had to drop out from college,all those expensive checkups,all the pain,it was more painful than the chest pain itself.Above all,knowing that the innocent son is not innocent anymore,my maa would cry alot.
Its been nine month after my treatment..i have never touched or smoked weed,alcohol or any alike substances.I am happy for myself,i exercise daily,go to college,help my parents,meditate daily and above all i respect my life and whatever i have.I know everyone has their own problems and tensions,but recovering from it is the main deal.During these phase,i learnt many things like;
-Never take life for granted
-Life can be enjoyed even without weed,alcohol and so on
-Family matters the most,they would never want you to suffer.Listen to them.
-Invest time in yourself,improve yourself daily.
-Everything is temporary,even the pain is temporary.
-We get one life,so make it a wonderful journey
-Life is too short to experience everything,so learn from others mistake.I could have listened to others not to smoke and so.
So,i being a experienced one,suggest you guys to not get into any sort of addiction whether it be alcohol,weed,cigarettes.Casual drunk,casual high is okay like once a year or twice a year.Not able to survive without it,will bring hell to you.My message is specially intended for the teenagers..Be experimental,but don’t try everything on you.Learn from others mistake..Getting high from meditations,music,books,sports has no negative impact on you.So,build a hobby,build a passion and enjoy your life to its fullest.Respect yourself,Respect your life..God bless all.